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MMA Ballroom

Trying to find a handicapped parking spot at a hotel is like trying to find a stripper at a church.

You know they’re there, but they are just hiding. I was in search of this illusive spot because my “daddy-o” walks with a cane. We were going to see a N.A.A.F.S (North American Allied Fight Series) event in Morganhole (Morgantown, WV). Why is it called Morganhole? Because it is epically shitty!


Anyway, to be quit honest with you all we didn’t really care who was even fighting this night. Pro-fights rarely come into WV, so when one does, YOU GO!

Now try to imagine this as I paint this picture for you all. This event was in the basement of this swanky hotel—which made it fucking hilarious. All these judgmental snobs looking down at us in our O.G TAPOUT shirts and I’m almost daring them to give me a reason to flip them the bird.

Then, they were a half an hour late opening the doors. Turns out, the cage was set up in the main ballroom. How’s that for a goddamn irony? MMA Ballroom sounds like some sort of Japanese martial arts movie designed for the slick in-kids crowd. Which in and of itself wouldn’t make any sense.

So, we finally got to our seats—and here’s the funny part. We had seats at a table that consisted of about eight gangsters from Pittsburgh. They were sitting there with their bling. One dude had a cane with a gold knob at the top. Shit you not.

Now, my Dad is of the old school, no- nonsense type. I’m a bit more laid back. But he, he isn’t politically correct. And I’m sitting there thinking what the fuck did I just get myself into, right?

So, these gangsters are staring us down, almost like they’re daring us to do or say something that they can turn into something. That bravado that machismo creates, and here’s my dad blurting out, “Did you see that motherfucker’s gloves? They’re bigger than his damn head.” Or something like that.

The event had a boxing match before the MMA started and I looked up. While white gloves do tend to look bigger, these were, in fact huge. Comically huge.

The gangster with the cane pats dad on the shoulder and starts laughing his ass off. The rest of the fight, my dad and this guy essentially give the best commentary I’ve ever heard in my life.

Grab life by the horns, my friends. You never know where an opportunity will present itself.

There’s a story behind every person. There’s a reason why they’re the way they are. Think about that before you judge someone.

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